This is just a collection of the random stuff I find online and my random rants. Pretty much the stuff I talk about but nobody listens, because nobody cares. If you do, enjoy.
Kinda hoping to getting around to writing an actual post one of these days but just gotta let some steam out right now. I can’t really talk to anyone about this stuff and don’t want to anyways.
So much has changed in the past few months. I hate it. The friends I had last year aren’t all with me today and I miss them. Some of them I met just last year and they’re already gone. I met them through classes and really thought that I had built a relationship with them. Others have been with me for years and years. I just want them all back. But if someone isn’t going to put the effort in to keep me in their life then I don’t have the time to put in my effort either. I want them but if they don’t want me, that is their loss.
I spent most of christmas break in iowa city working ahead in school. What most don’t know is that I also spent it knowing that there was a possibility of me getting kicked out and not returning for the spring semester. For the last week of it I actually thought I had been kicked out. I didn’t eat or sleep. I sat in my room a complete mess. I thought my life was over. Through the grace of God I somehow was put on academic probation for another semester. Now I’m fighting for financial aid because without it I can’t afford Iowa and will have to drop out. But I’ve put my faith in God and just pray that he can get me through this as well. I’ve built a pretty strong case so far so I’m pretty confident in it.
School is going really really really well so far and I feel really good about this semester. I think I can get all A’s in my classes. Nobody trusts me anymore and they shouldn’t. I have lost their faith and I need to grow up and earn that back. The scare over break was just what I needed. I really have that fire and mindset I had back in high school when I was getting straight A’s. My confidence is back for the first time in a couple of years and I recently got meds for ADHD, anxiety, and stress. I feel better than ever.
The last thing I wanna get off my chest relates to the first a bit. I’ve grown apart from someone I thought was one of my closest friends. Part of the awkwardness and distance her and I is completely my fault I suppose and I’ll take the blame for that. But I absolutely hate when people feel like they can’t hang out with someone of the opposite sex because they have a boyfriend. We are friends. He hangs out with girls. What is the fucking problem?
i feel better now. whew.
Today’s lesson? Never leave something as soon as it’s done. You miss out on great opportunities and experiences.
Kicking myself.
